I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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