I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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