If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
