Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
