I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
