do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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