so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
