y did u give ur computer a hand job?
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His hands were made for my vagina.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
