we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
