I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
