My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
