I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
