Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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