she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
