"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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