apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
i think im in europe. pls send help
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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