I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
