I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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