i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
