the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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