Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
