I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
