This is not my ceiling
someone get that fucking seahorse.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You did what with his pubic hair?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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