I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
