4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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