So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
