Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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