im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
