Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
