kristin has been a bad kristin
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
