im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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