That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
