Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
