party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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