Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
