We named our party play list daddy issues
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
