I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
