one might say we're banned from that church
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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