I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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