i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
