you guys were way drunker than both of me
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize
