afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
