I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
