you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
