I'm so fucking centered right now
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
two words...techno handjob
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
