I think I am morally bankrupt
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
