All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
You're a waste of cheezeits
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
