nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
