ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
