I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize