The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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