Even water is tasting like jack daniels
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
