I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
