we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
