Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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