My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Randomize
