I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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