you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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