Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
