fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
